You and Me and…Oh Right, No Baby

baby You and Me and...Oh Right, No Baby Getting ready for our upcoming nuptuals means running around like a lunatic at the last minute. We are so busy handling all the last minute details that we barely have time to breathe, let alone think about what we’re “going through”.

In the midst of all the wedding errands, we got a bit of reprieve when we picked up the best man at the airport. Craig is one of our very best friends, and he is one of the few we decided we were ready to tell about this “issue”. The main reason we felt Craig should be one of the first to know is because he is one of those incredibly shiny people who seems to stay strong and happy no matter what is happening around him. He’s a rare gem, a man who can actually handle hearing about this without falling apart or succumbing to “oh, you poor thing” thinking.

Michel and Craig are best friends, and Michel needs a shoulder to lean on right now. Craig not only won the job of best man, he also won the job of best shoulder to lean on.

So, before we picked him up at the airport, Craig already knew about “our diagnosis” and he was ready to deliver exactly what we both needed…a warm and comforting bear hug.

He was ready with smiles, laughter, and general good humor to help brighten our day considerably. And I was most amazed that he never once gave me “the look” I’m dreading. The look of “you poor thing” that I can’t stand to see under any circumstances.

See, Craig understands that for me to get through this, the last thing I need is pity. I need smiles, happy moments, jokes at my expense, and an understanding that I want…no, I NEED…to remain positive and to stay in my Happy Place.

My body needs positive thoughts, not negative ones. I need strength, and to stay strong, I need to stay positive no matter what.

Thank God for heroes like Craig!

So you can well imagine how awful I felt when later in the evening I broke down and bawled like a baby because of something Craig said. He happened to mention, in passing, about the fact that Michel and I were planning on having a baby in a couple of years.

Craig had no idea that one of the problems with having breast cancer is that being pregnant again in the future would be potentially dangerous for me. Apparently, the rise in estrogen levels from pregnancy could lead to a recurrence of breast cancer, so the doctor advised that we avoid the risk of a future pregnancy.

So when Craig mentioned “baby” in our conversation, I fell apart. The impact of how great a loss we were experiencing struck me like a ton of bricks, and it took every ounce of strength in me to regain control of my emotions.

Poor Craig apologized profusely, and in between hitching sobs and gasping breath, I did my best to make Craig feel better about it. I found myself apologizing for my tears, and Craig kept reassuring me that it was perfectly fine.

But no matter what, the fact remains that I have lost my window of opportunity for ever having another child, and there just isn’t anything “OK” about it.

At 36 years old, a relatively young woman, I am “past my prime” and having more children is just not possible for me and Michel.

He has a 21 year old adopted daughter from his previous marriage, and I have my three teens, and that is as big as our family is going to get. Michel will never be able to have a baby of his own, and dammit, that isn’t fair.

He is a wonderful father to my kids and to his daughter, and if any man qualified as father of the year…he certainly would. I can’t imagine anyone who would make a better dad than this man.

But because he loves me, he is willing to forego his chance at paternity and settle for being a dad to kids who did not start out as his own.

I am the luckiest woman in the world to be marrying the most selfess, loyal, loving, caring man on the planet.

He is my biggest hero, and I am his biggest fan…

4 Comments so far »

  1. Kim Webb said on:

    September 9, 2006 at 12:54 am

    Hi Sylvie,
    I am a follower of Michel’s Blog from the Copywriters board but tend to just take it all in from afar. I just wanted to say that I think that you are both AMAZING for handling everything as well as you are– and there is always adoption if you want to expand your family. I dealt with infertility for many years and was told by more than one person that I would never be able to have a child of my own.

    The old saying goes “Anybody can be a father– but it takes a very special man to be a daddy. “:) And you already know that Michel is a great daddy…

    I will be following your story…

  2. Ladan Lashkari said on:

    September 11, 2006 at 3:40 pm

    Hi Sylvie,

    I’m a subscriber to Michel’s blog and I found out about your blog tonight through his email. After reading many of your posts and thoughts here, I have to say one thing:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Your awesome posts really had a big, positive effect on me. I know you’re going through difficult times these days so I really thank you for taking the time to share these personal thoughts with us.

    Michel has said many times how much he loves you and how much he’s proud of you. And the more I get to know you, the more I feel he’s so right about you.

    You’re a very strong woman and I’m sure you and Michel will make it through these times and live together happily for decades.

    Best wishes for you and Michel from across the planet, :-)

    Ladan

  3. Michelle Baptiste Williams said on:

    October 14, 2006 at 8:57 am

    Sylvie,

    You have been blessed to find a truly rare and precious gem– a caring, loving man, who is clearly devoted to you and your family.
    Treasure him.

    Love is well– love — years ago, my uncle adopted 2 daughters mainly to please his 2nd wife who was unable to have children. He is also a great father and he could not love them more –if they were his biological children.

    Michel I am sure loves and is loved by All his children.
    If having his own biological offspring is a deep desire– a surrogate mother– is an option.

    Delight in the strength and depth of your love. It is a living miracle

    Be blessed.

    Michelle

  4. CJ Trela said on:

    October 15, 2006 at 6:46 pm

    Greetings from NH USA
    Sylvie,

    I don’t know if it would be possible or if you have the time, but, Your eggs could be harvested for future use with Michels’ sperm and a surragate host,
    producing a biological child for both of you.
    A Miracle Baby for sure.

    I pray for you daily and have lit a candle at church. I also keep one burning in my home. I would like to have the world light a candle for the duration of your
    treatment. Maybe Michel or one of your close internet friends could sen send out a request for this.

    If you don’t mind I will write to you on occasion and I will certainly read your Blog.

    For now-​​God Bless

    CJ

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