Some Days Are More Challenging
It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything, primarily because I haven’t been feeling as well as usual (gee, wonder why?).
I debated sharing this publicly, and ultimately decided to go for it. See, this blog isn’t just about talking about how I stay hopeful and positive. It’s also my way of dealing with the challenges of going through this event in my life, and if I am to be completely healed, I need to also be completely raw and honest about everything I’m experiencing.
So, I am taking a few moments to just “let it all hang out” and let the chips fall where they may.
The last few days have taken their toll on me, both physically and mentally. It’s been more difficult than usual to maintain my smile. It hasn’t been impossible, just more challenging.
There are two reasons for this.
One reason is that the physical pain of the surgery is exhausting me. It is unrelenting. On the bright side, it does change every day, it moves around, it doesn’t stay in one place, nor does it feel the same way twice. So, it keeps it interesting, to say the least.
But it is tiring. My days seem to be separated into 4 hour segemnts. Every 4 hours, I get to take pain medication. The clock rules my life for the moment. I get two and a half hour segments of near relief.
There’s the half hour that directly follows taking the medication when it hasn’t kicked in yet. That is a painful half hour. Then there are 2.5 hours when it doesn’t hurt as much, when the pain medication (morphine) kicks in. But the pain is still there in the background, dull and throbbing. Sometimes in sits in my chest like a load of bricks. Other times, it seems to just grab my armpit in an unrelenting steel vice grip.
Then, as the pain medication starts to wear off, there’s an hour of “clock watching” pain. This is the hour I dread the most. It’s the hour I argue with myself about whether I can safely ignore the instructions on the bottle and just go ahead and take the meds early. This hour is the worst. The pain is sharp and insistant. It wants to be known. It craves attention, and as much as I try to ignore it and pretend it isn’t there, it makes sure I’m well aware of its presence.
The flashes of hot pain reminds me of what I have lost.
This is the hour when my normally good tempered spirit gets tested the most.
It’s the hour when I discover myself and find out whether or not I’m really as tough as I think I am. I play a little game with myself in that hour. It’s called “You Are Above This”. I’ll speak more of this in a moment.
And then there are the emotional challenges I’ve been facing in the last few days.
It’s funny how I think back on my life and my relationship with my breasts since I grew them. When I was a young girl, I thought a lot about my breasts. How big would they be? Would they be attractive? What would they look like? I dreamed of having big breasts. I wanted them so badly that I used to try every silly exercise I heard of to try and make them bigger. I stuffed my bra. I tried everything. But alas, my breasts didn’t cooperate with me and I inherited my family’s tendency towards small breasts. When they stopped growing, I was crushed. 32B was what I ended up with, in spite of all the creams and exercises I tried out.
After a while, I stopped thinking about them. They were a part of me I didn’t really pay attention to. They were just “there” and they certainly didn’t get much attention from my boyfriends or ex-husband either.
When my children were born, my breasts changed. They were exactly what I had always prayed for as a teenager. After 3 children, they stayed 36C, which had been my “dream boob size” when I was a kid. And you know what? By then, it didn’t matter anymore. I had stopped obsessing about them long ago, so when I finally got my wish, it was no longer relevant.
But a week ago, I lost one of them, and suddenly, it matters. Suddenly, the long-ignored breasts became very important to me, and I’m still struggling about why that is.
In one fell swoop of the scalpel, one of my breasts is gone. Poof. Just not there anymore. What’s left is nothing but a scar. And it is harder to deal with than I expected.
See, I realize now where I went wrong as a teenager. Instead of wishing for larger breasts, I should have been praying to have two of them. My priorities were skewed. I would love to turn back time and pray for two healthy breasts, regardless of size.
But I can’t. This is what I have left. I have one healthy breast and one scar tissue mass with no nipple.
And the strangest thing has been happening to me as a result.
For the past few days, I find myself getting misty eyed when I see a woman in a magazine or on television who has two lovely breasts, regardless of size. I find myself feeling a piercing sense of loss.
After my sponge bath yesterday, I chose a silk pajama that is one of my favorites. It used to look amazing on me. Now, it looks “different”. It hangs flat on one side, and when I saw it yesterday, the impact of this difference hit me like a freight train and I burst into tears. I was crying uncontrollably, and was very grateful that no one was round to witness it. I cried for 30 minutes straight, and then the faucet was slowly turned off.
I gradually regained control over myself and cleaned myself up. I went downstairs and as soon as my wonderful husband saw my face, he seemed to instantly know exactly what was wrong. He held me close and told me how much he loved me. He reminded me of how he sees me as the most beautiful woman in the world. He kissed my bandaged chest and said “that one is for your healing”. And in a few moments, I remembered that I am not my breasts. They are a part of me, but they are not ME. I felt better. He has a magical touch, and an uncanny ability to know exactly what to say to make me feel better.
Ladies, if you can, marry a copywriter! They always know what to say. 
And then, there are my teenagers. They are a struggle even when I’m at my peak. And yesterday I was not at my peak.
Let’s just say, it was a trying day for my emotions. I was not exactly at my best yesterday, and I was particularly vulnerable. So when my teenage daughter chose that moment to try my patience, I didn’t have the strength to be patient. I snapped at her, and drama set in for the next few hours. Instead of a minor incident, it became a battle of wills. She won. I lost. No blood was shed, but the war was over. I gave up and she was triumphant.
I was just too tired to keep fighting.
And I forgot my mantra momentarily. The game I play with myself to keep me strong was temporarily forgotten.
“You Are Above This”
Dr. Wayne Dyer speaks of this concept a lot, and his voice is my referree for this game. I focus on the sound of his voice saying “You Are Above This” every time I feel like crying. I hear him say it every time I feel a little bitchy and have an urge to get annoyed with someone around me (you try living with 3 teenagers and avoid getting grumpy). I hear him say it when I forget about my limitations for a moment and reach for something and feel that flash of pain shoot through my chest like white-hot lighting.
It’s my own personal mantra that reminds me that I can do this. I can be strong. I can choose peace. I can find my Happy Place if I look a little harder.
I am above the pain.
I am above the sadness.
I am above the grief of loss.
I am above the anger.
I am above the fear.
I am above THIS.
Above all these things is a layer of love, joy, hope, and survival. Above the pain there is healing. Above the sadness and grief, there is happiness. And that is where I want to exist. Only there.
So today, I am spending a lot of time reminding myself of this game I must play to survive this. I am remembering how to repeat these words in my head every time I feel down or in pain.
And when I’m stronger, I will reach out to my daughter with these words fresh in my mind and find a way to make peace with her. I will find a way to remember this when the exhaustion threatens to topple my resolve. I will remember that my nature is not to give up or be defeated. I am a fighter. I am a survivor.
I AM above this.
Carol said on:
September 17, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Sylvie, thanks so much for sharing your struggles as well as your joys. Your willingness to share is teaching those of us who have not experienced this kind of loss how to be more compassionate and understanding to others. Who of us doesn’t know someone who has had breast cancer?
It’s also a wake-up call to be more thankful for what we have while we still have it. Similarly to your previous thinking, my breasts were just going along for the ride and not really valued. It felt a little strange, but I just said a little prayer and thanked God for that part of my body.
My desire for you is that you will allow yourself to feel the strong arms of a loving God embrace you continually as you go through the next several days. He loves you and will carry you through and give you peace.
Warmly,
Carol
Dori said on:
September 17, 2006 at 11:49 pm
Sylvie,
Thank you so much for sharing that!!
Not all days will be a bucket of sunshine, and we all know that. But you being you is a barrel of sunshine and your honesty is a testiment to that! Thank you!
You continue to inspire me, even on the rough days!
love and light,
Dori
Jennifer Houck said on:
September 18, 2006 at 12:39 am
(((HUGS))) Sylvie. I couldn’t even imagine what you are going through, yet you still show how strong your are and look at the flip side of things. So amazing as I always say.
I pray that the good Lord will give you strength to overcome the pain and it will be an easier recovery period. It’s so great to hear your hubby standing by your side and knowing just the right words to say at the right time
Thanks for continuing to share your story with us!
Kim said on:
September 18, 2006 at 12:49 am
Sylvie,
First of all, I have to say you made me laugh with the marry the copywriter comment! My husband hates the fact that I do copywriting, because I win every fight that we ever have. He will try to keep up, but once I start going at full steam he just gives up and says that I am too good. Hehe…
I also want to say thank you for sharing even the bad parts of this journey– I was having a discussion today with a friend about the fact that I had lost all interest in my boobs after my son was born. They changed and not really for the better. But I realize that they are a part of me regardless.
You make me cry and laugh in each and every post– hugs to you!
Frank said on:
September 18, 2006 at 2:02 am
Sylvie, — You are quite the writer yourself. The pain and the joy comes out in the very words you write to the point that we nearly agonize, laugh and cry with you and some cases actually do.
Your comments reminds us that we should pray both in good and bad times and give thanks for what we have no matter what it is but to be thankful we have that.
Someone shared something with me once that I would like to share with you. “If God will lead you to it, He will also lead you through it.”
You and Michel have an awesome bond that many don’t find or even know.
We look forward to your next post and hope and pray that each tomorrow is that much better.
Laurence Cumbie said on:
September 18, 2006 at 5:03 am
Air, water, food — including food for thought — is all you need save for the love of your self, loved ones and friends, Madame Sylvie. I promise.
May I suggest to you that 99.9% of all human beings do not take in the proper nourishment to maintain optimum health?
I’m a long-time former chef by trade, and a lifelong student of culinary art. At one time, more than 20 years ago, I was chef de cuisine at Le Tournesol in San Francisco, a small spa cuisine restaurant which specialized in homemade apple cider and Truite au Bleu, among other things. It was at a time when spa cuisine or cuisine sante was in vogue again, and I was full of the fervor of a true apostle.
I was also a huge fan of the local punk music scene, and my girlfriend — a beautiful girl…size 32AA — and I were very often seen closing down the local nightspots together.
What a magical time our lives were like then! How in love we were!
Days ran into night into days so swiftly. And we were so fearless, so full of laughter and passion.
I had previously already experienced the readings of Rachel Carson (Silent Spring), M.F.K. Fisher (Consider the Oyster, et al), and Alice Waters (The Chez Panisse Cookbook, et al), and still consider the works by these writers to have had a pivotal influence on me.
Study of human nutrition has been a passion of mine for many years. As this subject might be worthy of your own refocus in this time of change and healing…I am here to help.
Believe me when I say to you: This truly is fascinating, thoroughly engaging, and useful stuff to experience yourself.
As you are an active mom, with teenagers and a devoted husband (I am a customer and student of his…and it was he who led me to your sign up sheet), I know how difficult it is to find balance and energy in such times as these.
Your body has been rid of a cancer; its removal is called the “debulking” of the cancer, meaning simply the largest part of its mass has been surgically excised.
Your pain is being managed with medications to relieve your suffering.
So now is a splendid time to be thinking seriously about the life of Sylvie — in a big way. After all, too many people in your life depend on you.
Take some time for reexamining your priorities and realize you must love yourself above all others.
This time can be especially fortuitous, as it’s now time to cry, “Time out!”
Suggestions: Nourish thyself, girl! Take a vacation of the mind and free yourself from the clutter of the past and the future. These things take care of themselves very well on their own! Feed yourself the very finest “real” foods in the world — most of which should be eaten raw. Think: Superfoods and phytonutrient supplementation. Drink alkaline water which is “alive” — not dead. And purify the indoor air you breathe at home. Commune with nature and relearn to love Mother Earth again — because she will cause you to heal the fastest and most comprehensively. Feed your mind, feed your heart, feed your soul with that inspiration you can easily take from others — just for asking. Read a few books.
Read, for example…
Think on These Things — Juddu Krishnamurti
Be Her Now — Baba Ram Dass (Dr. Richard Alpert)
The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are — Alan Watts
The Wisdom of Insecurity — Alan Watts
Physiologie du Gout — Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
Larousse Gastronomique — Larousse et Montagne
Diet for a Small Planet — Frances Moore Lappe
The Next Diet for a Small Planet — Frances Moore Lappe & Anna Lappe
The Song of the Lark — Willa Cather
The Gastronomic Me — M.F.K. Fisher
The Art of Eating — M.F.K. Fisher
How to Cook a Wolf — M.F.K Fisher
Currently, I’m reading…
The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power — Joel Kramer & Diana Alstad
Covert Persuasion: Psychological Tactics and Tricks to Win the Game — Kevin Hogan
Conversational Hypnosis: A Manual of Indirect Suggestion — Carol Sommer
I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta — Nisargadatta Maharaj
…though, oftentimes, I’m simply surfing on Amazon or playing with my dog!
Sunday dinner tonight, because Laura and I seldom cook anymore — except Sundays, when she’s off work — was “clear out half the produce bin drawer” salad, with pan-fried organic chicken breast topped with sliced tomato, garden basil and melted fresh buffalo mozzarella, haricots vert, apple, red grapes, orange, bell pepper, red onion, celery and crushed toasted almonds.
The meal was a snap to prepare…and cleanup was a breeze. Later, I snuck a few Brazil nuts and a slice of papaya for dessert.
As I complete this note, I think how lucky you must really be, how lucky is Michel and your kids.
You are one perfect…magnificent…size 32B!
How lucky for you, Sylvie!
LaDawn said on:
September 18, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Sylvie you have received so many encouraging words, thoughts and prayers from so many people that admire and love you. I thank you for sharing the ‘darker’ side of your battle with us. I was blessed by finding you a few years ago and striking up a great relationship with you and a job that I look forward to each and every day.
Now this next part might seem a bit ‘strange’ but bare with me..I’m no copywriter…:) You have become someone that I look up to; you have this fabulous gift to inspire others to want to do more, to do better, and to be better. You have a spirit that is so full of fire that we can all hear it, better yet, feel it in each of your words. It’s sometimes easy to take for granted that we all know you will overcome this, because there is no doubt in any of our minds. So by you sharing the other, very real side to this, you keep the humanity part in it…not just the hero part.
I am a firm believer that it’s ok to cry. Sometimes you have to be strong for other people…right now…it’s your time to relax; and as hard as it might be, feel the very real emotions that come with this battle. It’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be angry. You have to heal from the inside out. You have to deal with the emotions that build up inside of you, because they are just as real as that bandage that covers your battlewound.
Us as women tend to always want to nurture and tend to everyone else. We want to be that rock, when it seems there is no silver lining. We try to find the beauty in things when sometimes we really just want to scream and have a good cry without being consoled and being told things will be ok. Sometimes…that’s what it takes. We love you!
Ted Crowder said on:
September 18, 2006 at 1:22 pm
Hey Sylvie Dear,
When I was in my early 20’s I started losing my hair and it was FREAKING me out. Every time I saw someone with a full head of hair I was extremely envious. Then, for some reason I started asking myself things like, “Would you swap places with that goofy looking ditch digger and live his life in order to have his full head of hair?” and of course the answer was a resounding HELL NO!
That made me feel a lot better about seeing people with more hair than me. I didn’t want to be them, hair or not. Now 20 years later, if I could snap my fingers and have a full head of hair I imagine I would. But if I did the only thing in my life that would change as a result is how often the shower drain needs cleaning. As Michel would say, “It would be a feature with no benefit.â€
So keep in mind, you would rather be you than any multi boobed chick in town!
By the way, I saw you in Baltimore, I was right! They played the proposal on the screens.
Ted
Laurence Cumbie said on:
September 18, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Sylvie,
This link below takes you to a useful Free Report — which I urge you to print immediately.
It’s written by a man who has made it his mission in life to thoroughly research the study of cancer…in all its myriad permutations.
When you are ready to perfect that all-important grocery shopping list this is where I might be most helpful. As a former chef, I’ve had tons of practical experience — especially when “special needs diets” must be considered.
After all, like you and yours, I’m a famously world-class eater, drinker of water…and breather of air (52 years experience now)…
…though I must admit, a little glass of claret or Merlot from time-to-time doesn’t hurt none either!
http://www.cancer-prevention.net/
Laurence in Dallas
Bethany Smith said on:
September 18, 2006 at 11:34 pm
Hi Sylvie.…
My heart, hugs, and very positive thoughts go out to you! I just wanted to encourage you… you do so well with staying positive and above all of the pain, but they are so normal to go through. I can only imagine the loss, the fear, the pain, the grief, the frustration… So yes, stay above those negative emotions, but recognize them. They are a part of this journey you are going through. To be strong is so much more profitable than being tough… Tough and fragile are so similar. A tough, hard surface breaks with pressure, but a strong surface moves with pressure… is flexible yet unchangeable. You Sylvie are not tough — you are STRONG. You’re willingness to put these raw feelings out here is such an encouragement to other women… so many struggle with different crises. THANK YOU for your bravery.
I’m truly blessed by you, and I’ve never even met you! Don’t be hard on yourself for the tough days — you are a positive, healthy person, and you are doing GREAT.
Bethany
abdellah said on:
September 19, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Sylvie.
Some time words are empty, and then Kids smile are better then poem.
Some time it is painfull to think about, and then we have just to close eyes and to Be.
Close your eyes and think about Wind.
You are in thoughts.
Robert Lehrer said on:
September 19, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Since I am a man and I have never suffered through cancer, I have no experiential idea what you’re going through Sylvie, but I do have something possibly useful to add. A couple of years ago, I was very attached to a lady who had a masectomy. She was self-consicious about her appearance and her sexual desirability. She had reconstructive surgery to replace one of her real breasts, but it didn’t change my feelings about her. We still had a healthy romantic life together and I was crazy about her. And I’m sure that Michel is still crazy about you too, based on what I’ve read from each of you.
I admire and respect your ability to write so openly about your ordeal that it
caused me to write openly about my experience. All the best to you.
Rob
Peter said on:
September 19, 2006 at 10:12 pm
Hi Sylvie,
I guess your post just proves that even superheros have some not-so-good days. But you are that to me and many others — a superhero.
–Peter
Jonathan said on:
September 20, 2006 at 1:09 am
Hi there Sylvie
I made a movie for you. Maybe you have seen it. Maybe not. I am sure that things are going to work out for you!
It also seemed to me that you are pretty darned important to Michel, so I made a tiny movie about that from the heart — it’s just a few minutes long.
Here’s the URL
http://tinyurl.com/pg8wq
My very best wishes
Jonathan
Criss Bertling said on:
September 20, 2006 at 1:52 am
Hello, Sylvie
As I began reading your beautiful prose (yes, I know it is labeled a blog posting), it became impossible not to read every word, and then to read it again. The picture you painted was vivid, real, often difficult to read. The details were intimate, your pain became mine. The faces of dear ones in my life who have suffered what you are determined to rise above appeared one by one as I read each paragraph. I wanted to shout, “You can do it! You WILL do it!”
Thank you for using your talent to so eloquently share such private thoughts. You have already touched many lives. I am certain your words will save some. And I am convinced you can impact thousands more by putting your journal into book form, both digital and in print. Your “verbal Monet” would be a treasured gift in the hands of frightened victims of this pernicious beast we call breast cancer.
I pray for your physical, emotional and spiritual healing and wholeness.
Blessings upon you and your family.
Criss Bertling
Deb Holder said on:
September 20, 2006 at 1:19 pm
Sylvie,
I will continue to say a healing prayer for you. Be well.
Deb
Alicia Pierce said on:
September 20, 2006 at 4:31 pm
HI Sylvie!
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. If you ever need someone to talk to call me. I’m sorry I missed your wedding — but I had surgery to remove a cancerous cyst on my left ovary. I’ve been dealing with Ovarian cancer since 2003, I year after my marrage to Stephen (I was 26). I’ve had surgery, a reocurrance — then chemo for 6 months, and then had to revisit surgery again a few weeks (because of another growth) before your wedding. I’ll be the first to tell you it’s not easy … but you’ll get through it and inspire many women through your journey … and Stephen and I will be right here praying for you!
lots of love to you and your man!
Alicia
Doug Hudiburg said on:
September 20, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Sylvie,
Thanks for being so open. My thoughts are with you. I’ve been touched by cancer in my life and I know it is a strong foe, but a beatable one. All the best to you and the strength of the universe.
Kay Mitchell said on:
September 20, 2006 at 11:22 pm
Sylvie,
I have been busy these last few days (trying to stay focused and getting caught up on some things) I had been behind on reading your posts. However, I didn’t stop my prayers for you. Tonight I had my chance to catch up.
As others have stated, thank you for sharing your struggles along with your victories. For one thing, this helps us to know how to better pray for you.
Your body has been through a lot girl, and as it takes its time to go through the healing process, the emotions are going to flow! Those tears are healing, just as the laughter is too.
May The Lord bless you and keep you. May The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. May The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
Blessings to you,
Kay
Phyllis said on:
September 21, 2006 at 2:07 pm
Sylvie,
As time goes on, the healing will spread — from
your scarring to your heart to your soul. But right
now, as you clearly understand, you need time
to grieve … and work through your loss. .
There are those who believe, no matter how
puzzling, there is a reason for everything.
I wouldn’t venture a guess as to what the
reason might be … but clearly your
courageous story will touch and, no
doubt change, many lives.
I cannot remember the last time
I sat so still for so long.
Wishing you the best of health
and continued joy in your life.
Phyllis
P.S. One thing I beg to differ on …
sometimes not even a copywriter
can find the right words.
Heather said on:
September 21, 2006 at 5:52 pm
Sylvie,
Heather said on:
September 21, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Oops!!!
Sylvie,
I just wanted to send you a wish for wellbeing… I know that you are facing a tremendous battle right now and I am always amazed at your mind, your humor and your gift at always finding the most positive side of any situation. What you are doing here is absolutely incredible by bringing awareness and hope to others… and a smile along the way.
You truly have a gift that no one else has and a spirit about you that won’t be held back. And as I read your posts and the replies from everyone, I can’t help but thank you for helping us all to realize that every day is a gift and we need to appreciate the people that have made an impact on us in every way, each and every day…
My thoughts are with you and your whole family each and every day. And just know… that sometimes, it’s okay to be human! You’ve earned it…
A big hug,
Heather
KC said on:
September 21, 2006 at 9:18 pm
Sylvie,
I don’t know you.…so I have been hesitant to say anything…
Having two of my best friends overcome with Cancer has compelled me to write and let you know that I am rooting for you.
It is an incredibly hard thing to have to face and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I am praying for you, Michel and the kids.
Try to stay positive and live life to the fullest,
Walk away if you must, knowing you did all you could do…
KC
Margaret MacGillivray said on:
September 22, 2006 at 1:01 pm
Hi, Sylvie — this battle that you’re facing sounds like a tough round of golf — sometimes a bad shot gets on the green in one; othertimes you make perfect strike and find yourself in the bunker. The important thing is that you can only play one hole at a time; this is the only way to get through the game. Worrying about playing the whole course is a surefire way of mussing up.
You know, you’ve got a growing band of friends who will be praying for you, one day at a time, as you fight to get better. I guess we’re also praying for those who, like you, have had a life-altering diagnosis and are fighting to get well again.
With all good wishes
Margaret
Stephanie said on:
September 23, 2006 at 12:04 am
Sylvie,
I just heard about the biopsy results, and my thoughts and prayers are with you still.
You’ve already come a long way in your journey, and I know you have the strength to see this through. You’re stong, beautiful, and most important — loved.
Warmly,
Stephanie
Alvin said on:
September 23, 2006 at 7:24 am
Hi Sylvie,
Thanks for being so honest with your sharing. Honestly I’d never thought I’d realize what breast cancer would be like for the women I love but you’ve managed to give me a glimpse into it, and help me understand the fairer sex that much more.
My heart and prayers go out to you, take care and have a good recovery
Yours,
Alvin
Bonnie said on:
September 23, 2006 at 7:24 pm
Hi Sylvie.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. As a cancer survivor myself I identify with all of the thoughts and emotions you are going through. I cannot express how much admiration I have for the way you have been dealing with this and getting it out in the open. I thought you might like a chuckle to help you get through this.
Even in cancer there is humour. to begin with I was not the only member of my family to be afflicted with it. However, I did not have to go through chemotherapy to fight it. But my dear brother was diagnosed 15 years ago with melanoma and not only did they tell him his chances were poor of lasting another month, they suggested the option of aggressive chemotherapy. So me, being the loving sister that I was told him that I would cut off all my hair in solidarity and support when he started the chemo. It was down past my waist and to be truthful, it was gorgeous. Anyway, I had it cut and shaved off, donated it to Locks of Love and looked like a billiard ball for my brother. Now here comes the funny part. In all the rounds of chemotherapy my brother NEVER lost a hair on his head. In fact his moustache came in fuller and his straight hair became curly! So when we walked down the street together and bumped into people we knew, they asked into my health because I was the one that was hairless! We laughed about that until the day he died 15 years after the doctors said he wouldn’t make it.
So Sylvie, I will follow your progress and send positive energy your way.
Take care,
Bonnie
Jeanette Cates said on:
September 23, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Sylvie
You are brave — not just to share but to share the bad along with the good. Too often people only talk about the bright days and not the dark ones. You are doing a great service for so many — I know you feel the love.
As the mother of three formerly teenage daughters (they all made it to their 30s unscathed and unbeaten by their mother by some miracle), let me assure you that your perspective and hers are different. What you see as a “failure” on your part, she will not even remember. Where we think we have scarred them for life, it’s a passing item in their life. Plus, it gives them something to complain about with their friends. If you are perfect, she can’t complain — and loses a lot of peer status.
So you keep being you. And when she is a young mother, she will begin to appreciate all that you do — and that appreciation grows every day. Even now, she would love to let you “win” — but you understand, it’s a matter of teenage pride!
Loving thoughts to you and yours -
Jeanette
NANCY said on:
September 24, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Hi Sylvie,
Wow. What a story. You gave given me much to think about. I can’t believe you have the strength to share your story as you do. I am sure you have truly impacted many lives.
I pray for you and Michel
Love,
Nancy
Todd Michael Kjelland said on:
September 25, 2006 at 3:45 pm
Hello Sylvie,
I found my way here through Michael’s blog. After reading your latest entry I chose to write in my own journal. I choose to share this with you and all that care to share in this journey.
Thank you for touching my life. The reasons I’m sure are yet to be experienced.
With Love,
Todd
9/25/2006 10:01 AM
Hello God, Self, Angels and all of you that care to be here. Thank you for this opportunity to share with you a moment in time ( The illusion of time.) I first wish to thank all of you for your loving thoughts and sincere love. I am blessed to be surrounded by the greatest teachers (Angels) and be a part of a universe that is made up completely of love. I am grateful for all the wonderful things, words and thoughts that have been sent my way and I wish to never take any of those things for granted. Thank you Thank you Thank You.
I am torn between the desire to go back to my last entry and re-read what was written, or to simply just write. I am not even sure at this point what I have shared and what I need to. I simply felt the need to add something to my journal. This morning I was sent a blog entry about a woman that has just had a breast removed due to cancer. I have a feeling that I should write to her, even though I do not know her and she doesn’t know me. After I read her latest entry, I read some of the responses. Some were very sympathetic, encouraging and informational. One in particular led me to one person’s view on causes and remedies. Doctor’s reasons for ineffective and expensive treatments. The one thing I found to be very sad was that after reading for more than an hour, it was not mentioned once that our thoughts create the cancer within our bodies. The article touched on every kind of environmental cause. From the air that we breathe to the food we eat, the blame was external. The responses to this woman’s wonderful truth filled blog entry saddened me as most were reinforcing the very thoughts that probably created the cancer in the first place.
I know that I am certainly not an expert in the field of medicine and that I know very little about cancer. But I am completely compelled to voice my opinion. I believe it is not me, but a voice of my intuition or my Angels, or the words of God that brought me to write this today. So I will try to put my human self aside and let the words of universal divinity flow.
Thank you Todd.
For getting the hell out of the way?
Ha ha ha. Yes in a manner of speaking. The hell that you speak about does need to get out of the way. To move aside for the truth of love to be present.
Ok. That makes sense. What am supposed to do with that?
Do as you are chosen to do.
Remind me, I need that reminder now and then.
Use the gifts that you have to spread the words of truth.
God, that sounds way too cliché’
I can rephrase it if you wish.
That would be great. Explain it in detail please. After all, I am only human.
So you think.
Huh?
SO YOU THINK.
Well, I am only human. I am a living, breathing mass of confusion.
No No No. What I mean is you are what you think. Do you think that you are only human? Do you think that you are confused? Todd, you are what you think.
Yes I get that….again. So what am I missing?
Sharing.
Sharing?
Yes…share your thoughts. Share your intuition. Share your insight. Share that which you are.
Do you mean share my love?
Yes, share all that you are. The gifts that you have are nothing until you manifest them by sharing them.
Are you telling me to once again get off my ass and spread the words we share?
Is that what you think?
That is what I am thinking right now.
Then you defy your thoughts.
Huh?
You heard me.
Yes, but what does that mean, “Defy my thoughts.”?
Todd, have you forgotten? If you are thinking about doing something, it is preventing you from acting on it. The very literal act of continually thinking about doing it…..
……ok ok I get it. Or should I say “remember it’. So what does that lesson have to do with me today?
Share the words with your new friends. The thought of being a cancer victim or cancer survivor will continuously reinforce that thought and the experience of that thought will be made manifest.
What else? There has got to be more. God, please don’t leave us hanging.
Very well. If you “THINK” it will “HELP”.
Ok. I got that. What do we think about then?
Think about all that exists comes from one source. That source is an infinite well of something so powerful that anything other than its contents simply cannot exist in its presence. Anything that is made from this substance has power over the illusion of its opposite. The opposite of this substance can be known, but has no power. It’s power is the illusion that comes from the perception of those who choose to give it power. To defeat the illusion is to change the perception that it really exists. You are the Source, You are the Well. The substance is LOVE. The illusion is all that is not Love, such as fear, anger, hatred and the like.
Thank you God once again for your Love, Words and Wisdom. But I feel there is more to share.
Go on.
I want to share what I know about Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT.
What is stopping you?
I’m not sure if this is the right place or time.
Do you wish to help those in pain?
Yes of course.
Do you wish to show those with cancer how to rid themselves of it?
YES!
So what seems to be the hang up then?
I must be thinking too much and not following my intuition.
Maybe.
Ok. I’ll follow my divine guidance and remove my ego.
Perfect. Thank you.
This is not easy for me to do ya know.
I know, but we all thank you for doing it.
Ok, Ok. The technique is called EFT. It is a meridian based procedure that helps the body rid itself of negative energy that has been stored within our cells from the moment we were conceived. The negative emotions that we keep stored within our bodies, if not released can be a dominant factor in creating disease. We are what we think….literally.
Good start….continue.
…Unresolved emotional issues are stored in certain parts of the body depending on what is happening to us at the time. For instance, in my own experience I severely sprained my ankle on a job which I was forced to take due to my pending divorce. My negative emotions associated with the divorce (and there was many) were stored in my sprained ankle. My foot did not heal until after my divorce was final and all emotional worrying had stopped. Within two weeks my foot was completely healed. Hardly cancer I know, but the result is the same.
Interesting….continue.
Certain parts of the body are associated with different emotions. Negative emotions of feeling lack of love from a person you admire generally settle in the area of the heart or is associated with the blood. Negative emotions stored in the body from a mother figure generally lie in the breasts and so forth. The idea of using EFT to eliminate these emotional energy blocks has had wonderful results.
Is that all?
It is for now. I feel peace in what I have written. I welcome any feedback and am willing to talk to anyone about EFT and I am here for all of you.
With love,
Todd Michael Kjelland — Author
“Words of the Angels”
Nicole Manley said on:
September 25, 2006 at 7:47 pm
Dear Slyvie,
My heart is with you on this journey.
My husband is a copywriter (John Manley) and he also knows the right words to soothe my soul(I deal with a chronic health issue then cancer).
My mother has been a year with breast cancer and lost her right breast to the scapel…I have forwarded your blog as she can relate to many things you have mentioned.
You’re in our prayers,
Nicole Manley
Ikey Benney said on:
October 3, 2006 at 9:39 am
Hello:
I am on your husband, Michael’s e-mail list and that was how I heard about your medical problem.
I want to wish you a speedy recovery. Hang in strong, you’ll survive.
Warmly,
Ikey Benney, Creator “TMT Power Secrets” System
shercyramos said on:
August 24, 2009 at 10:11 am
Sharing your pains, struggles and conditions is really a blessing for people who are undergoing the same thing or are taking care of people with your condition. Some people does not have the courage to say it out loud so the people around them doesn’t know how to handle it. Your expression is very relevant and helpful for the awareness and understanding of cancer.