Monday was the day that I was scheduled for breast MRI tests. This is one of many different types of tests I will be undergoing in the coming weeks, months, and probably years.

Such a strange experience, and not exactly what one might expect.

First, when the nurse was scheduling me, she asked the weirdest questions, like “Have you ever had metal in your eye”. Metal in my eye? I tried desperately to remember any instance in my childhood that might have resulted in me having any shards of metal that I may have forgotten. Apparently, this machine consists of such a powerful magnet that if I had ever had metal in my eye…well let’s just say it would have removed itself during the MRI. Blecch!

So needless to say, I was a bit nervous when the test began. I fervently hoped I hadn’t forgotten some lead pencil accident or something. Strangely, I squinched my eyes closed, hoping that if I had forgotten anything, I wouldn’t experience anything awful (as if keeping my eyes closed would actually help).

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On August 30th, Michel (a passionate copywriter) used his blog to tell the world about our condition. His post spoke eloquently and elegantly of what we are going through, at a time when I would not have been able to put this into words.

I have always admired his ability to write from the heart. It’s what makes him such an amazing copywriter, and it is one of the very first things I knew about him that made me fall in love with him.

I also knew that he needed to do this. He needed to express himself the one way he knew how. He needed to pour out his tears in words, and tears of my own fell while I read it. I’m certain many others cried when reading it as well.

And as the comments began to come in, I was utterly amazed at how many people were listening and cared about us.

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Well, we’re down to the wire, folks. For the past two weeks, I’ve been preparing myself for tomorrow’s surgery.

I’ve read more information about breast cancer in the past two weeks than I ever thought was possible to read. In fact, I’m pretty sure I could pass a medical exam on the subject by now…

I’ve surfed online for pictures of what a mastectomy looks like, to help shield myself from the absolute shock of seeing what it will look like. It ain’t pretty, but at least I know what I’m in for…

I’ve read countless survivor’s stories and have laughed and cried along with them…

I’ve read each and every comment and thoughts from friends and people I’ve never met, which has helped enormously. Man, I can’t tell you how good it is to know I’m not doing this alone…

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I woke up a short time ago and am heading back to bed shortly. My body said “hey, time for your meds”.

But I wanted to take a quick moment to update everyone and let you know that I am home and am being cared for by the best nurses in the world. My dear husband has been beside himself making sure I have everything I need. He’s teaching me that it is ok to let someone else take care of me for a change. I can’t imagine going through this without his undying love and support.

My wonderful brother has been handling the housework and taking care of the dog for me, and his strength and help mean so much to me. I’ll never forget how he’s willing to set aside his own life for me at this time.
(These two men are amazing caregivers!)

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Well, now that I’m home and resting comfortably, I thought it would be a good time to fill in the blanks on how things went at the hospital.

I won’t lie and say that it was a fun experience. For anyone who needs to undergo any kind of surgery, there’s no such thing as a truly fun day at the hospital. However, I’ve never been the type of person to allow pain or difficulty to take over my life, nor do I wish to complicate the lives of others around me by whining and complaining.

So, I made a decision about how this day was going to be, and I refused to let anything interfere with my decision.

I decided to see how many times I could make people laugh while I was there, and I also decided I was not going to need to stay overnight at the hospital. These were the two things I chose to focus my attention on, as my way of dealing with my day.

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I have a special request for all of you. You can help fund free mammograms for special needs women who cannot afford the high cost of mammograms in the US. The Breast Cancer Site has a long running program to help defray the costs of these mammograms, and it is completely free to participate.

Please bookmark their site and click on the button each day. It costs nothing to click and 100% of the sponsor funds goes to where it can help the most.

Not everyone is as fortunate as I was, and if we can help others with early detection, it will help save lives. Click on the button above to go to TheBreastCancerSite.com and remember to click every day.

Thank you!

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and I tend to agree with the theory. I can’t imagine how I could get through this without laughter.

So, I would like your help in healing. Submit a comment to this thread with your funniest jokes and one-liners. I want this section to become incredibly popular and maybe help other women going through a similar experience. You won’t just be helping me heal faster, you will be helping countless others in the future.

So, I’ll help get us started…

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It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything, primarily because I haven’t been feeling as well as usual (gee, wonder why?).

I debated sharing this publicly, and ultimately decided to go for it. See, this blog isn’t just about talking about how I stay hopeful and positive. It’s also my way of dealing with the challenges of going through this event in my life, and if I am to be completely healed, I need to also be completely raw and honest about everything I’m experiencing.

So, I am taking a few moments to just “let it all hang out” and let the chips fall where they may.

The last few days have taken their toll on me, both physically and mentally. It’s been more difficult than usual to maintain my smile. It hasn’t been impossible, just more challenging.

There are two reasons for this.
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The day we’ve been waiting for has finally arrived. On Sept. 20th, we had an appointment with the surgeon to go over the “autopsy” results. They did the pathology and biopsy on the removed breast tissue and Wednesday, they delivered the results in a neatly typed 8 x 10 envelope.

Honestly, we were hoping for better results. Up until this point, we had no idea whether or not the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes, and we were praying that it hadn’t and that it had been caught in time. We weren’t really prepared for any other news.

So, the reality of how far this cancer had gone really hit us rather hard. We’re still reeling from it.

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After the diagnosis, Michel and I took the time we needed to absorb it all and deal with it on an emotional level. We were in waiting mode, waiting for the first appointment with the oncologist who would tell us what kind of chemotherapy treatment regimen would be required. We were waiting for the first appointment with the radiologist who would tell us how the radiation treatments would be administered. And we were waiting for test results to tell us what type of hormone therapy I would be given.

The waiting is one of the most difficult things we need to deal with. Waiting to get more information. Waiting to find out what happens next. Waiting to learn how long I’ll be going through this.

Waiting to “live” again.

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